When working with me won’t work for you

I can’t help everyone and I don’t want to.

Over the past year I’ve learnt who I want to work with, and more importantly who I don’t.

Everyone should be coached, and there is a coach out there for everyone. But I am not for everyone, and everyone is not for me.

I don’t want us to work together just to feel frustrated, annoyed with each other and like it was a waste of time or money.

When you work with the right person, it’s magic. The energy flows, it’s fun, it’s productive, and big changes start to happen almost immediately. It shouldn’t feel like a grind (although it gets deep and tough sometimes!). It’s like dancing tango, or a great karaoke duet; you’re doing different things, challenging each other and the result is greater than the sum of your parts.

To get closer to knowing if our duet will be a smash hit or a flop, I’m sharing the top five characteristics of people who aren’t for me.

Finger-pointer

We all know those people who like to pass the blame balloon. Nothing is ever their fault. Someone has always wronged them.

How this shows up during our sessions is a “why me?” attitude. They can be pessimistic, deflective and they don’t take ownership. They feel the world owes them something and they are hard done by if they don’t receive it.

What’s the problem with this? They’re relinquishing all control of their life. No one else is going to fix things for you, you need to be the pilot, not a passenger, if you want things to change.

Comfy crab

These folks want results (or maybe just the money, respect or title that comes with them), but they aren’t willing to make changes.

They don’t value their personal development for its own sake. They don’t get joy out of learning and trying new things. They don’t take any action between the sessions.

There’s a feeling that they should be successful and recognised just as they are, thank you very much.

But working with me means working out why we really want something, making a plan and doing the work. Without real-life action, it’s just navel-gazing.

Status-chaser

Madly, truly, deeply want to be a CEO for reasons completely within your sphere of control? Great, let’s go!

But if you’re looking for the title to keep your parents happy, or think it’s what you need to do to prove the naysayers wrong – let’s go back to square one and have another think.

The kind of people who have or want a cold hard plan to be successful, with that success being defined by others (teachers, peers, late-stage capitalism), won’t find that with me.

They are bottling up their true desires to continue with a preset plan, and not allowing a bit of room for magic. When you let the magic in, life gets a lot more interesting.

Trigger-happy

These people jump to conclusions, don’t listen to opposing viewpoints and don’t take time to reflect. They are stuck in their way of thinking and they react strongly and quickly when challenged.

Working with me means considering another perspective, and considering that you might be wrong.

It means taking ownership of our reactions, judgments and emotions.

Making assumptions and snap judgments is one way that we relinquish our control over our lives. When I work with people, we take back the steering wheel.

Fear-driven

To work with me, you’ve got to be willing to take a leap of faith. Faith in me, faith in yourself.

It can feel scary to do something different. It might feel self-indulgent to spend money on something as “intangible” as your own development. You might be going against the status quo, people might question you. It might feel like opening a can of worms you’ve been trying to keep shut for a long time.

But when my clients take that leap, magic starts to happen. It means you are backing yourself. It means you believe you are worthy of more. And it means you are about to change everything.

BUT if you:

Are determined to make a change and don’t mind rolling your sleeves up
Are a little bit of an over-achiever (did you read the above and know instinctively that this isn’t you, but still questioned if you could be trying even harder to take ownership or if somehow you are still not taking quite enough action?)
Are a people person with a yearning to live a fuller and more connected life
Have done a bit of work on yourself already (therapy or reading or reflecting or training)
Take ownership and care about doing right by yourself, even if sometimes you aren’t sure how.
Are fed up of being undervalued and overlooked
Know that where you are right now just doesn’t feel quite right and “there must be more”